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Thursday 4 August 2022

Bear-baiting: NATO’s scurvy reboot of a long-reviled blood sport

In the midst of last month’s soaring temperatures, BBC Radio 4’s early evening news programme carried a salutary reminiscence from Allan Little. He was in France during the long hot summer of 2003.

“The dazzling light bounced off the pale bleached walls of the Paris boulevards, and the air rose from sticky molten tarmac in visible thermal currents. The mercury pushed above 40 degrees Celsius every day for a week. By the end of July, A&E doctors were screaming for help. The elderly were dying, they said, while many health professionals were on annual leave. The Health Minister said it simply wasn’t true, refused to recall staff, and like everyone else, went on holiday. The old and infirm can withstand punishing temperatures during the day, if there is some relief at night, when the body can recuperate during a good night’s sleep. But in early August there were three consecutive nights when the temperature didn’t fall below 26 degrees. It was catastrophic. We saw people stretchered into crowded hospitals, packed in ice, from shoulder to thigh. Refrigerated marquees were erected to store bodies because the undertakers couldn’t cope. Many remained unclaimed for weeks because younger relatives were still on holiday. Finally the government declared a public health crisis. Too late. On the day the plan came into force, the weather broke. The temperature plummeted, and Paris breathed again. And when they did the sums, they found that more than 12,000 French citizens had been killed by the heat.”

Clearly, this doesn’t show French politicians to their best advantage; though unlike their US and British counterparts of the time, at least their hands weren’t caked in the blood of untold tens of thousands of dead and maimed Iraqi civilians. Be that as it may however, it’s useful to be reminded of Allan Little’s reporting flair. He was one of the few western correspondents who took a more than superficial interest in Moscow’s reaction to the Kosovo crisis in the spring and summer of 1999.

“The Russian role… was absolutely vital to the ending of the war. I think by the end of April the NATO allies understood the importance of getting the Russians on board. They completely disregarded Russian objections at the UN Security Council… [emphasis added]”[1]

No biggie, but NATO’s humanitarian killing spree was therefore illegal, in contravention of its own Atlantic Charter and international law. Acceptance of Kosovo independence claims in 2008 also trampled on the Helsinki Final Act of 1975, enshrining the sovereignty and territorial integrity of European states. Returning though to Little’s analysis:

“…they disregarded Russian objections at Rambouillet, but by the end of April they realised that they couldn’t do it really without the Russians. They invited the Russians back in. The Russians opened up a new diplomatic channel and a secret back channel which we talked about in our programme. The result was that the signal went unambiguously to Milosevic that he couldn’t expect Russia to come to his aid and it was because of that signal, I believe, that Milosevic ended the war.

“What was most interesting to me was the nature of the deal that was done in Moscow between Yeltsin’s people, the political leadership, and the military. I don’t know the answer to that but there was clearly a deal at the end of May. Yeltsin in some way bought off the military. They were very unhappy with what was happening in Kosovo, public opinion was extremely unhappy, it’s clear that Yeltsin felt very threatened and challenged both by the rising tide of public anger and by the strength that this gave the military, and he did something to strike a deal with the Russian military. The price that the Russian military paid was to send the signal to Milosevic that they weren’t going to come to his aid. What the military got in exchange is not clear. There is all sorts of speculation in Moscow but it is only that as far as I know.”

The nuts and bolts of Yeltsin’s relationship with his top brass, as the bombing intensified and the range of targets widened, is potentially a fascinating topic for discussion. However the purpose of this article is rather to highlight the anger generated by NATO’s unprovoked murder rampage in Russia as a whole. Polling revealed that it was opposed by 94% of the population.[2] In November last year, onetime US diplomat and GOP Senate foreign policy advisor Jim Jatras tweeted an excellent summary of the situation:

“I remember Russians telling me afterwards, “You know, we never believed all that Soviet propaganda about ‘aggressive NATO’ because we knew what liars communists are. But then you attacked Serbia and we saw that everything we thought was lies about you was all true.[3]

It’s quite likely this reflected the thinking of Boris Nikolayevich himself. Evidence that in the early days of his presidency he was little if at all exercised about NATO comes from former senior UK emissary Charles Crawford:

“In 1993 Russia’s President Yeltsin met Poland’s President Lech Wałesa in Warsaw during a visit to mark the final withdrawal of Russian forces from (formerly Warsaw Pact) Poland. Yeltsin was asked point-blank by Wałesa whether Poland could join NATO. He replied to the effect that as a free nation in a now undivided Europe, Poland could do what it liked. Yeltsin also issued a communiqué expressing ‘understanding’ for Poland’s NATO ambitions.

“Years later as UK Ambassador to Warsaw I asked Lech Wałesa about this momentous meeting and Yeltsin’s apparently affable acceptance of Poland’s NATO aspirations. Had the Russian President been, perhaps, over-infused with Polish vodka? Wałesa said no: Yeltsin had genuinely not been bothered, one way or the other.”[4]

But that was then. Kosovo represented a seismic shift. Not that there weren’t signs of disillusionment well before it hit the headlines. In a June 1997 article entitled ‘Adversaries or Allies?’, Irina Zhinkina of Moscow’s Institute for US and Canadian Studies asked:

“How is it that the new Russia, which has cast off its former ideology, remembered God, sworn loyalty to the new ideals of democracy and fallen into the embrace of its recent ‘probable adversaries’ is not accepted by western civilisation? What else must it do?”[5]

March 1999 though was the watershed moment. By throwing its weight around in the Balkans, NATO demonstrated it was precisely a law unto itself.

“NATO has proved that more or less it can do what it wants, where it wants, indeed when it wants.”[6]

This again provides necessary context for a claim made recently by Chinese Defence Ministry spokesperson Wu Qian:

“NATO is a war machine, a military tool in furtherance of US hegemony, and a systemic threat to world peace and stability.”[7]

Yet influential figures like former US State Dept mandarin Mike McFaul affect incredulity at the idea that Putin is genuinely concerned about NATO at all. Referring to the Kremlin leader’s rhetoric in February of this year, Obama’s Moscow ambassador would have us believe there was some tremendous significance in the fact that

“In [his] 7000-word speech, the first 4628 he doesn’t mention NATO once”.[8]

As if the way a speech is structured has any bearing on the importance of a particular theme (and no matter that once Putin got on to Ukraine NATO membership, he described it as being “like a knife to Russia’s throat”). In addition, McFaul has a mantra which he repeats ad nauseam:

“NATO is not a threat to Russia!

That might have some kind of quasi legitimacy if Washington and Moscow agreed on what is and what is not Russia. Since the re-unification of Crimea in 2014 however, they don’t. In the words of distinguished IR specialist Prof John Mearsheimer:

“It’s really quite remarkable, when you listen to people in the Administration speak, and when you read editorials in the Washington Post, words like this are spoken: “This has absolutely nothing to do with NATO expansion”. I don’t know how anybody can say that. The Russians have been saying since April 2008, that this is all about NATO expansion, that NATO expansion into Ukraine is an existential threat to them.”[9]

In a helpful 2020 interview, Britain’s former ambassador to Moscow Sir Roderic Lyne (who always tended to be quite critical of the Kremlin) covered similar ground:

“And then we arrive to the 2008 Bucharest summit of NATO, which was a massive mistake on the Western side trying to push Georgia and Ukraine into NATO. It was stupid on every level at that time. If you want to start a war with Russia, that’s the best way of doing it […] The final compromise communiqué, to me, is one of the most stupid documents in modern diplomacy. The paragraph in the Bucharest communiqué about Georgia and Ukraine should be framed and put on the wall of every Western diplomat as an example of what not to do. It combines the worst of both worlds: it upsets the Georgians and the Ukrainians by not giving them a Membership Action Programme and it upsets the Russians by saying someday these guys are going to join NATO.”[10]

“But Americans simply refuse to believe that. [Mearsheimer again.] And instead what they have done, is they have created a story, that it’s not American policy, it’s not NATO expansion that’s driving this train. Instead it’s Vladimir Putin, and it’s that Vladimir Putin is either bent on recreating the Soviet Union, or he’s interested in creating a Greater Russia. But whichever one of those two outcomes you take, he is ultimately an expansionist. He is on the march. And thank God we expanded NATO, because if we hadn’t expanded NATO he’d probably be in Berlin by now, if not Paris. This is the basic argument. But of course we had to invent the story after the crisis broke out, so that we weren’t blamed for what happened. We had to blame the Russians, so we created this story.”[11]

Compounding everything over the past several years has been Ukraine’s disdainful attitude to the 2014-15 Minsk agreements; directly analogous to Britain’s contempt for the Northern Ireland Protocol in fact. Both governments were insisting the texts were unworkable before the ink had even dried. Kiev simply decided to use these agreements as an opportunity to carry out a slow-motion pogrom against the civilian population of Donetsk, with US/UK connivance.

What follows is a transcript of part of a CER (Centre for European Reform) podcast dated 13-07-2022.

Rosie Giorgi: “Charles Crawford in the UK asked:

“How far if at all do you think Russia can reasonably feel humiliated or cheated as such, by the new security and economic arrangements that emerged in Europe following the end of the Cold War and the break-up of the Soviet Union?””

Ian Bond: “Well, thanks very much Rosie, and thanks very much Charles. I mean, full disclosure, Charles was my boss in the British embassy in Moscow in the mid-1990s, so he and I saw many of the relevant events at that time, unrolling before our very eyes, and you could write a book about why things turned out the way they did and whose fault it was, and in fact, quite a few people have written such books. But here is my less than book-length answer, which is that the narrative of humiliation is one that Putin and those around him in the Russian leadership have chosen for themselves. It wasn’t an inevitable outcome of western actions. In fact in those early post-Cold War years, the West made enormous efforts to try to give Russia a higher status internationally than its post-Soviet condition really justified. So despite the fact that its economy was a basket case, it became a member of the G8 group of leading industrial countries. I mean, by no stretch of the imagination was 1990s Russia a leading industrial country, but it became part of that group. It was invited to join the major western powers in the so-called Contact Group, trying to bring peace to former Yugoslavia, and actually I could say it played quite a constructive role in that. And although it wasn’t invited to apply for NATO membership, it was given a special relationship with NATO through the NATO-Russia Founding Act. I mean, arguably more influence than any other third country had with NATO at the time. And it signed a partnership and cooperation agreement with the EU which gave it various trade benefits, and it joined the Council of Europe, the main European human rights organisation, even though its human rights record was still quite poor. So it got quite a lot in that early post-Cold War period. But what nobody could do, or what nobody was prepared to do, was to give Russia the kind of sphere of influence that the Soviet Union had had, in central and eastern Europe. And that’s because no western country could impose the kind of limits on the foreign policies of now-independent states in central and eastern Europe, that Russia wanted them to impose.”

The implication here is that all you had was a straight choice between the carving up of Europe at Yalta in February 1945, and the Helsinki Accords of 1975. A dumbed-down perspective surely, which doesn’t in any case take account of the coach and horses driven through Helsinki’s picturesque townscape by recognition of Kosovo independence.  

Rosie G: “And then so to ask Charles’s follow-up question: Did let’s say key western capitals get it wrong in terms of their perspectives, or drafting the arrangements, or in bringing Russia into the fold, or has Russia itself been unable to adapt, or a combination of both?”

Ian B: “Yes, so I think the West made some mistakes at the very beginning. So when the Soviet Union broke up at the end of 1991, the West could have done more to help democrats in Russia, and there were a lot of them around at that time. And in particular I would single out two areas where I think we didn’t do enough. One was in terms of helping Russia’s democrats to reduce the role of the former KGB and its officers, like Putin, because they were allowed to move from, you know, the KGB, a pretty brutal organisation, into positions of influence in Russia. That was problematic, and it became more problematic over time.”

What Ian Bond omits to mention here is that although Putin was a KGB officer, he resigned as soon as he heard about the August 1991 coup against Gorbachev. On top of that, as an associate of reforming St Petersburg mayor Anatoly Sobchak from 1990 to 1996, he had a decent claim to be one of the “democrats in Russia” deemed worthy of western help. This finds support in deeply unfashionable but nonetheless insightful remarks made by former BBC Moscow correspondent Martin Sixsmith in May 2012:

“If you take the presidential elections [of March that year] I thought there was a bit of disingenuousness about the way they were reported in Britain… When I was reading reports of the presidential election which he won with 56 percent or 60 whatever percent; the first line of every article, and even on the BBC which broadly is sort of objective about these things, was “Western election observers report that the elections were skewed towards Vladimir Putin”, and then they report that he got 65 percent of the vote. And actually the real story is that he got a majority which a western politician would give his right arm for. And even if there had been no vote-rigging – there was definitely vote-rigging, I know because I’ve spoken to people who were involved in the electoral process – even if there hadn’t been any vote-rigging, he still would have won a fantastic majority. Maybe not 65 percent – maybe 60, 59, 58 percent. And that’s the story I’m afraid. You know, the story is that he won a very big majority.”[12]

If Sixsmith is right, the Kremlins highest profile occupants had authentic democratic mandates from 1992 until at least 2018. Which isn’t to suggest the system is perfect. But Russia can be considered to be at least as democratic as South Africa, where the ANC has held power since 1994. Bond continues however…

“Secondly I think the West could have done more to help Russia establish the rule of law, rather than helping Russian oligarchs launder their money in the West. And that’s a process that began really in the 1990s, and we got that quite badly wrong. But fundamentally, we are where we are today, because of the choices that Russian leaders have made since then. Basically you get a choice over the sort of history that you tell yourself is your history. And Russia could have chosen to say, and it would have been justified in some respects to say, that its people were the heroes who had thrown off the yoke of Soviet totalitarianism after the 1991 coup, when Soviet hardliners tried to roll back the kind of democratic reforms that were coming in in the Soviet Union. So they could have said, you know, our people were the heroes who overthrew the Soviet dictatorship, and now we want to become a normal European democracy, and we recognise that we have some bridges to build with our neighbours who’ve suffered under the Soviet dictatorship for the last fifty years. And that would have been a bit like West Germany after the Second World War. But instead, particularly after Putin came into power, Russia chose, or the Russian authorities chose to blame the collapse of the USSR on the evil devious West, and then to try to reassert control over parts of the old empire as it were.

“And I guess what I would say, and I know Charles is a keen football fan, so I think he’ll recognise this; but I would say that basically, the Russian leadership under Putin has made a choice, that it is happy to be the Millwall of international relations. So Millwall are famous… Millwall supporters are famous for their chant: “Nobody [sic] likes us, we don’t care”, and that’s been Putin’s approach to the rest of the world since he came to power.”

Perhaps the author should declare an interest, as someone who taught English in the late 1990s to at least one future employee of the Russian MFA. But there’s no shortage of sound reasons to be sceptical of Ian B’s take, which isn’t even consistent with his own words. Unless he believes Putin transformed Russia into a “leading industrial nation”, its G8 membership remained an anomaly well into the twenty-first century. Yet this privileged status was at the same time almost entirely uncontroversial. There were no serious calls for Russia to be expelled until 2014, when relations came under an intolerable strain thanks to the US/EU-backed overthrow of Victor Yanukovych in Kiev.

In reality, the tale of Russia’s foreign policy in the Putin era has primarily been one of a constant search for customers for its oil and gas. And for instance there’s also this vignette from former head of the UK diplomatic service Lord McDonald of Salford:

“However difficult the political relationship, it is striking how the diplomats on the spot, the diplomats who have to work with each other every day, manage to keep their personal relationships going. And again an anecdote, from when our last ambassador to the United Nations in New York left, it was Karen Pierce, who is now our ambassador in Washington. She’d been in New York a couple of years, she left at the beginning of last year. The warmest tribute paid to Karen at the Security Council table, was from the Russian ambassador, which might surprise the audience.”[13]

It’s safe to assume Russia’s envoy didn’t suddenly remember basic principles of diplomacy forgotten since the Yeltsin era.

This was never in fact about Russian indifference to western interests. On the contrary, it’s always been about western scornfulness for what Russia sees as its core strategic interests. Joe Biden himself knows this far better than most. Two years before the bombing of Serbia, there’s footage of him giving a broad-gauge account of the damage likely to be done to US-Russian ties by NATO expansion:

“I think the one place, where the greatest consternation will be caused in the short term, for admission – having nothing to do with the merit, the preparedness of the country to come in – would be to admit the Baltic States now in terms of NATO-Russian, US-Russian relations. And if there was ever anything that was going to tip the balance were it to be tipped, in terms of a vigorous and a hostile reaction – I don’t mean military – in Russia, it would be that.”[14]

More recently, in an address last month in Langley, Virginia to mark the CIA’s 75th anniversary, Biden raised the issue of US exceptionalism.

“We’re the most unique nation in the history of the world. That’s not hyperbole.”

Professor Mearsheimer dealt with this in a podcast interview he gave in 2020.

“Our elites, and the vast majority of the American public believes that the United States is an exceptional country. This is this whole notion of American exceptionalism. And when they say that we’re an exceptional country, what they mean is that we are morally an exceptional country, we are morally good in the extreme. And if we do something wrong-headed, it’s not because we didn’t have good intentions, because of course we always have good intentions. But this story that we tell ourselves bears little resemblance to reality. The United States is one of the most ruthless great powers that’s ever walked the planet. The number of people that we’ve killed over time is truly remarkable. All you have to do is look at the firebombing of Japan in WWII. Most people focus on the dropping of two nuclear weapons in August of 1945, on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, but the fact is the first night we firebombed Tokyo we killed more people than we killed in either Hiroshima or Nagasaki. And we were burning Japanese cities to the ground by the time we dropped those two nuclear weapons. Look at what we did in Germany, involving cities like Hamburg or Dresden. Look at the bombing of North Korea during the Korean war! Most people know hardly anything about this. There are some estimates that we killed twenty percent of the North Korean population. We bombed like crazy in Vietnam. We have a rich history of overthrowing governments. And just go back to how the US was created. It’s a story of conquest on a large scale. We murdered huge numbers of native Americans, stole their land. What's now the South-West of the US we stole from Mexico. I mean if you really look carefully at American history over time and the various wars we fought, it’s not a pretty picture! But this is not what Americans believe and it’s not what our elites believe.”[15]

Towards the end of his speech in Langley, Biden said:

“I know that you will continue to honor and uphold the highest traditions of the CIA and the highest values of this nation for the next 75 years and beyond.”

The CIA “upholds the highest values of the nation”. It’s just staggering that the POTUS can say this with a straight face. It would be no more ridiculous if he said the same about Hunter Biden.



[1] Allan Little’s Kosovo Forum, bbc.co.uk 15-03-2000

[2] Cited in ‘Oh What a Lovely War!’, Economist, 24-04-1999

[3] 29-11-2021

[4] ‘European Insecurity’, Charles Crawford, Diplomat Magazine August 2022

[5] «Противники или союзники? (партнерство США и России, НАТО)» (‘Adversaries or Allies? US-Russia partnership, NATO’), НВО (Независимое военное обозрение – Independent Military Review) 21 (48) 14-06-97. Cited in Stanley Kober, ‘Russia’s Search for Identity’; Ted Galen Carpenter and Barbara Corny, eds. NATO Enlargement: Illusions and Reality. Washington, D.C.: Cato Institute, 1998.

[6] Sky News correspondent Tim Marshall reporting from Belgrade, April 1999

[7] ‘Chinese spokesperson slams NATO for strategic concept referring to China’, China Daily, 29-07-2022

[8] Munk Debate: Russia-Ukraine War | Stephen Walt, John Mearsheimer v Michael McFaul, Radosław Sikorski, 12-05-2022

[9] Committee for the Republic, ‘Putin’s Invasion of Ukraine Salon’| Ray McGovern, John Mearsheimer, 02-03-2022

[10] University Consortium Interview Series: Sir Roderic Lyne. Interview by Nikita Gryazin, December 2020

[11] Committee for the Republic, op cit. 

[12] Former BBC Moscow correspondent Martin Sixsmith discussing Russia’s 2012 presidential elections, Watershed Bristol, 20 May 2012. He shared a stage with Guardian journalist Luke Harding, who got himself expelled from Russia in 2011. According to prevailing orthodoxy, this is something he should be proud of. In reality, his obnoxious antics simply made the world a slightly more dangerous place.

[13] Zoom lecture hosted by Keele University, “Statecraft and Diplomacy: Coping with the 21st Century”, 04-11-2021. The tribute paid to Karen Pierce in New York on 12-03-2020 was as follows: Mr. Safronkov (in Russian): “I too would like to express our sincere wishes for the success and future professional achievements of Ambassador Pierce. She has done a great deal personally and as a diplomat to ensure the productive work of the Security Council. We will certainly miss her.”

[14] Address to the Atlantic Council, Washington, 18-06-1997

[15] ‘Manifold’ podcast interview with John Mearsheimer, conducted in 2020 with Corey Washington and Steve Hsu. Exact date unspecified.

Tuesday 2 August 2022

Winning Run of the Rovers

What is the chemical formula of the gas, nitric oxide, understood to help brain cells transmit messages to each other? And is this related to the term ‘gashead’, applied to Bristol Rovers fans? The answer to both questions is NO. Followers of Bristol’s more cerebral football team acquired their nickname in the 1960s because Eastville Stadium was in shouting distance of a gas works.

Eastville’s proximity to Stottbury Road, Horfield, also explained the Blue and Whites’ strong claim on the loyalties of St Thomas More’s RC Secondary School pupils. St Tom’s fifty-year life span, until its closure in 2005, corresponded more or less to that of St Thomas Becket Catholic High School in Huyton, Merseyside. Although St Tom B’s intake was never quite so captivated by the blue side of Liverpool, gifted student Joey Barton dreamed of playing for Everton.

Mind you, Joseph Anthony Barton had a tough childhood. As a result, his career has been punctuated by numerous contretemps and bust-ups, and he’s served time in prison. One might say this-or-that individual was dealt a similar or worse hand in life, yet was never such a turbulent character. Maybe so; but if others – including some of those who judge Barton – had had to contend with the disadvantages he faced, they might have gone off the rails even more than he did.

So let’s not go there. Barton was a tenacious and hardworking midfielder. One of his finest moments came in the second half of a UEFA Europa League match between Olympique Marseille and Borussia Mönchengladbach in November 2012. He scored directly from a corner to equalise for the Olympians, whose fans voted him their best player of the following month. Only Paris Saint-Germain prevented Élie Baup’s side from capturing the 2012-13 Ligue 1 title.

From its HQ in Dalmally, Argyll, Mary’s Meals provides nutritious meals every school day to 2,279,941 of the world’s poorest children. The story of the charity’s rapid expansion, and its origins in an aid agency called Scottish International Relief (SIR), is told in a bestselling book by founder Magnus MacFarlane-Barrow, The Shed That Fed Two Million Children. Among many prominent celebrities who’ve lent support, Real Madrid playmaker Luka Modrić used his profile to promote an outstanding film called Child 31 (now available on YouTube). As a refugee with his family in the Croatian city of Zadar in the mid-1990s, the future Ballon d’Or winner was a beneficiary of humanitarian aid from SIR.

I had this in mind last December when I decided to send Joey Barton a bright blue and white Mary’s Meals Christmas card, adorned with a snowbound image of Dalmally’s famous shed. Inside, underneath the festive greeting I wrote a message which went something like:

“A few months after you were born, on 20 November 1982 I attended my first ever football match; an FA Cup tie between Chester City and Northwich Victoria at Sealand Road. It finished 1-1 and Northwich won the replay. They went on to reach the FA Trophy final at Wembley, as I’m sure you know.”

Joey Barton’s Dad, another Joseph, played semi-professionally for Northwich Vics and is likely to have featured in the Chester game.

“Come on you Blues!”

On New Year’s Day Bristol Rovers languished in 18th place, just a handful of points above the relegation zone. January however turned out to be an excellent month, in which they recorded three wins and a draw. While a lot of the credit for the transformation in the Pirates’ fortunes is laid at the door of loan-signing Elliot Anderson, he didn’t make his debut until February. Besides, it was no doubt important that Rovers were on a bit of a roll when the Geordie starlet was enticed to tear himself away from St James’s Park.

Saturday 7th May, the climax of the 2021-22 season, will always have a special place in Rovers folklore. In order to pip Northampton Town to the last automatic promotion place, Barton’s protégés knew they were likely to need a cricket score against Scunthorpe. At the interval they were only 2-0 up, but moved to 6-0 on 79 minutes. In the 85th, Anderson headed home goal number seven. The scenes which followed can only be described as pandemonium.

We may never know if Barton’s Mary’s Meals Christmas card made a difference, but stranger things have happened. Leicester’s rise from the bottom to the top of the Premiership in 2015-16 had nothing to do with the arrival of a new manager or any particular player. Incontrovertibly, the timing of the Foxes’ turnaround coincided precisely with the boost to civic pride generated by the re-interment of Richard III in Leicester Cathedral. When LCFC were crowned champions, fans waving banners of England’s last Yorkist king knew what they were doing. York City, whose burgesses had tried but failed to have Richard’s relics translated to their own famous Minster, were banished to the Conference a few days before.

With last season’s stunning finale still fresh in the memory, Joey Barton has now been sent a DVD of Child 31. Maybe it’ll inspire him to take his charges to the Championship, or a Wembley final. One thing every intelligent Rovers fan knows, is that it’s high time we were back on level terms with our south Bristol rivals who shall remain nameless.